I feel like abortions should bother me more
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
