i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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