Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
