dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i came on her dog
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
