when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
