2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
