Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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