dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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