we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
