It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
