when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
