What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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