I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The Olympian is in my bed
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