Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
