So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
