I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
