Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
