He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize