To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
