Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize