Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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