He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
