I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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