i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
