Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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