You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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