remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
