I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
