These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
