Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
