She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize