I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
