in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
