Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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