I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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