i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
