I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
