Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
