Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
