If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize