Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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