Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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