i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
