Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
