We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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