You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
