Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
