i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
