Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
