OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
