Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
