I wish I could teleport
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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