my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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