they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
