You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize