i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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