I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
