Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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