the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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