Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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