My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
