i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
