you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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