Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
