i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
