Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
