Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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