What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
