Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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