my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
