i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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