y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
