Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Life is so much better after having sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
