So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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