I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
