you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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