we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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