also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
