The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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