girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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