Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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