I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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