I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
