Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
