she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
