Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
