My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
