ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
