So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
only you would photoshop your dick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
