Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
