I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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