bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
