I got chris browned last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
