At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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